The major lessons learnt from looking for a relationship over the years before getting married at 37. Part 2
Incase you missed part 1 its here
You may be a wrong fit for those others
After asking for thousands of connections during own time doing online dating, getting to know some yet they were the wrong fit. Yet also those who meet throughout own daily life, whether it was a group setting or simular. There is no changing from happening it will just happen.
A person would be flirting with me; however I was unaware that it was going to be a wrong fit in the end. When was talking with the potential on a date I would talk about what was wanting as a person, where own goals and dreams were, what direction was heading in personally. Yet a lot of the time they were seeking something totally different from what sought as a person. We were heading in two different directions. One of us wanted to settle down the other was looking for a casual bed buddy in away; without much responsibility. Two different trains in a way that they were heading in a totally different way.
These situations did cause a number of interesting situations and yes I did lose a few friendships that were unable to understand and accept who I was as a person; Yet these people were looking for someone totally different from what had to offer. At times I was unable to even hear the signs that were being given or told during our interactions as a person. The person may of been unable to understand what I was were attempting to communicate as a person. We were two strangers really.
At times it meant that others would be saying hey such and such likes You or loves You and yet it wasn’t the truth. That caused a number of years of frustration on its own; yet also feeling that was unable to express those emotions as well. At the same time it also caused a shutdown of a lot of emotions that felt very that was even unable to feel could give hug’s at all. That took a few years before was able to do such again; it took attending a support network and a few other areas to be able to do such, feeling safe enough to be myself to do such. Yet on first attendance at that meeting and seeing the hugs first reaction was “awe nice hugs”. That made a very powerful impact on myself personally.
At times I would mention something that was part of who was as a person and the person can take it totally differently and run for the hills. One getting to know someone beta mentioned that was looking to settle down in the future, that was the end of that one. It was not what the person was looking for. At times would talk about family and wanting kids that wasn’t who the other person was. I was unable to realize the signs that the person was interacting with wasn’t heading in that same direction.
I would talk about what was important personally and yet we didn’t have the same values. Yet when met now wife I did the same and it worked. It was what own wife was looking for, that both Jenny and myself both had the same values as a person. Yet there were others that were not really looking for what had to offer. That is part of being the wrong fit that we both had different Values, yet also being Yourself; that took a few years to work out. It also took a bit to sort through to find that diamond that was looking for from all the coal.
In a previous relationships I had failed to pick up on the signs that the person would be unable to support who was as a person; despite those signs being right there infront of me; it was just who they were. We weren’t traveling the same path together and we were on two totally different roads. Let’s put it this way one of us was looking to settle down, the other was looking for bed buddy’s. That was what would find.
I would of done anything for these people, yet was blinded because had no idea what was looking at or what a stable true relationship looked like. That was what it was like with any of these people within own life until also started to set limits and realize that such wasn’t good at all. The longest relationship before getting married was 5 months, that ended owing to being unable to see we were wrong. Also owing to the other person being unable to accept who was as a person, yet they were unable to support It comes back to being yourself again.
Yes You’re gonna have those people within your life who will get frustrated because You are someone who cuddles, someone who gives kisses in public, they will get annoyed cause You post on Facebook, they will get annoyed because of anything. These are the ones that are quite often the wrong fit within Your life. They are the ones who may have a true false reality or way of seeing such. Someone may get annoyed simply because a relative has passed away and they missed the message. Unfortunately its that persons issue. They will choose to take that energy out on You and You need to stop letting such happen.
It is like attempting to fit a square peg into a round hole. Will that work???? What needs to happen is You have to stop taking all that energy on board. Yes that is rough, yet its what has to happen. At times it means being willing to walk away from that person, letting them deal with the issue on their own. Saying I am beta than such and refuse to take such.
At times have had those who as soon as may tell them what You are going to do they will start kicking up a stink of some form. Its about jumping out that small pond and into the larger pond, leaving the small minded alone and going from there.
That is what may need to happen with relationships from my own life. It’s limiting contact with a number of people who know are just the wrong fit personally. They are heading in a different direction as much as love that person and truly care about them at times loving that person does mean letting go of them as well.
“Money is nice, but I came into tennis thinking that if I can buy a two-bedroom home, I’m ahead of 90 percent of the people in the world.”
– Pat Rafter
You Can Do This Also and You Can Create A Brand New You,
Learn to create that life of Your Dreams
Wishing you the best in health and love and big hugs
Jenny and Ben
Mentors with a servants heart
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