Wow a powerful article from Connie Podesta about difficult people and that they have been trained how to act and expect that they can act such still.
The behaviour worked in their youth so they expect it will work again. However they often have unreasonable demands and expect that it can be all about
them and not a win win situation. That you will compromise for them no matter what.
As Connie states a difficult person wants to do things in their own way in their own time. That is also about what we allow to happen and how we allow others
to treat us that is what works. Difficult people need our cooperation and permission to continue with their patterns. When we don’t give it to them then they
lose their power.
Life Would Be Easy…
If It Weren’t for Difficult People
by Connie PodestaThe Good News… and the Bad News
Difficult people have been trained and taught to act the way they do since they were children. In fact, they have been rewarded for their negative behavior throughout their entire lives. Difficult behavior worked for them as children—and, more important, it continues to work for them as adults. We have three choices each time we respond to another person: 1. Be positive; 2. Be negative; and 3. Avoid or ignore them. Difficult people see avoidance as a positive response. When we ignore unacceptable, inappropriate behavior, it will usually happen again because our avoidance tells the difficult person that we are willing to accept their behavior.What do they really want?
Difficult people want to do their own thing, in their own time, in their own way, without interference. In addition, they expect everyone around them to cooperate—even work extra hard—to ensure that this happens. And they do not see anything unreasonable about these expectations. There is little in their experience to signal them that their actions are inappropriate. They also have little (if any) desire or motivation to change their habits.What can I do about it?
We learn a lot from difficult people. We tolerate their behavior and attitudes as “part of life.” We hold back our feelings and swallow our words. We make concessions even when we do not receive anything in return. We compromise even when it is 90/10 instead of 50/50. We may even question our own ability to relate and communicate with others, reasoning that “Maybe it’s me.”Since we cannot change difficult people, we can only change ourselves and our reactions to their behavior. They need our cooperation and our permission to intimidate, control and repeatedly manipulate us to get their way. In most relationships, we are treated exactly the way we allow ourselves to be treated.
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