Willena Flewelling – Alberta Canada
Willena Flewelling – Alberta Canada
Post by: Willena Flewelling on May 09, 2012, 12:40:19 AM
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I spent ALL DAY yesterday doing something that was difficult for me because I
didn’t know quite how to do it. A single project, not related to Mentoring For Free
or the mental cleanse, yet it was inspired by the mental cleanse, and only because
of what I’ve learned here that I was able to do it at all. It’s something I should
have done many years ago, but I didn’t because I was afraid of my mother’s anger,
and subsequently her criticism.
Compared to my friends at school, I had an excellent relationship with my mom.
It isn’t hard for me to believe Michael when he says our parents did the best they
could with what they knew. I know my Mom bent over backwards to give us her
best. Mom was widowed at age 28, and left with three small children, ages 2 to 7.
She remarried a year later. My stepfather was an alcoholic, but a good and
generous man. There was no abuse in our home, but it certainly wasn’t smooth
sailing. Mom shouldered the burden of homemaking and raising five children on
what she could salvage of his pay envelope after he had spent much of it at the
hotel, buying drinks for his friends.
I was 13 when I accepted the Lord as my Saviour. Even in retrospect, I don’t think
I was self righteous or hypocritical about it, but that’s how my mom saw it. The
slightest misdemeanour called forth ridicule. I was keenly aware of how I fell
short of Mom’s standard at home, and I felt so ashamed. On the very rare occasion
when Mom attended a church service with me, the pastor would tell her what a
wonderful young lady I was, and I wanted to run and hide. I knew she was
thinking, “Are you talking about MY daughter?” I was confused. Who was right?
My pastor or my mom? It had to be my mom, right? Because she knew me much
better than the people at church did.
Mom’s ridicule of me was reinforced by a friend’s mom, whose opinion meant
almost as much to me as my mom’s. I should have heeded Paul’s advice to
young Timothy in the New Testament, and rested in Christ and HIS message
written on my heart. Instead I quailed before these adults who could not hear
the truth from a mere teenager. So I decided very early in my Christian walk,
never to speak to my mom of my faith.
That was 45 years ago. I know I am not that little girl any more, but one of the
strange oddities of life is that no matter how old we are or what happens through
the years, we are still children in the eyes of our mothers. And one characteristic
of MY mom is that she somehow manages to make sure we are never truly alone,
just her and me. I’m sure it isn’t intentional… she just isn’t “there” in the moment,
focused on any one person. In person or on the phone, her attention is grabbed
by the dog, the cat, the TV, someone in the next room… You get the picture.
The second week in May is a special time in my family, because it means Mother’s
Day AND two birthdays… mine and my mom’s. This year is even more special
because it is Mom’s 80th birthday.
A week ago Sunday our pastor gave us an assignment. “Write down your answer
to the question, ‘What does Jesus Christ mean to me?'”
I immediately thought of my mom, and how much I want to share Him with her,
and how nearly impossible she makes it for me to do that. If I could just write
it in a letter, maybe she would read it?
Well, guess who did not do her assignment last week? And guess who felt guilty
during church this week when the pastor asked for volunteers to share what
they had written down…
Yesterday morning I felt as lost and inadequate as ever, in knowing how to share
something so deep and precious with my mom, and not knowing how she would
receive it. But as the pastor said in his sermon on Sunday, MY witness means
sharing with someone what He means to ME… what I have seen and heard…
what He has done for ME… how He has answered prayer for ME…
Just sharing… speaking from my heart. Not trying to convince her or change her
mind on anything.
It still took all day and all evening, but it’s done! Ian took it to work with him
this morning and mailed it. Wow… it feels GOOD to take action on a lesson
learned, regardless of any fear, and JUST DO IT!
Willena Flewelling
Alberta Canada
From Willena Flewelling for the 30 day mental cleanse.
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http://bdrake.successin10steps.com/?mad=52669
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