What is in it for me?

In life there are a number of opportunities which we get offered. We have to think about the ones which are beneficial to us as a person. Also what is in that deal / opportunity / friendship / relationship for you, there are many things that may make these either good or bad. Sometimes it’s about knowing what is a good deal and that deal it’s beneficial for you. In every situation there must be a gain for everyone involved and not just a win for only one person. When only one person is continually wining as they believe that they can control others, push people around or do as they please then it’s not a good situation to be in. I have heard a number of people say look there has to be a win for all parties or there is no deal at all.

That is a good method to run by. However there are times in life you do need to sacrifice for a win later. When you have to continually make sacrifices for someone else and do not win at all it does not helpful at all and it is not a good deal. These deals can drag a person down, when they are continually told no your needs mean nothing to me, I do not care about you and the other person gets no benefit from the deal. When someone continually gets no benefit then it comes to the time to say I am sorry this is not working for me.

Sometimes even when you say such people may not listen to you saying look this is not working. When people refuse to listen to such then it’s time to look at other options, the people who believe they are right and do not want anyone else saying their piece quite often will push others away. Also when they try controlling others, they tend to not respect others needs, wants and desires. There are people out there who expect it to be all about them, that they can do what they like and treat others like rubbish. Unless you are gaining something from the deal then it’s not worth it. Unless you are gaining something from that friendship / relationship then it’s not worth staying.

Some people can literally destroy another person’s life owing to how they treat them. They think that they are correct and force their views on someone else. When someone is not gaining anything from the situation it is not easy at all. When you continually get such it is time to ask is this working for me? Should it not be working for you, assess what you can do about making such work for you.

Want to know more? Just ask. You can call or email me.

Do you want to learn how to create better relationships? Information is available by downloading our free eBook.

Our programming Positive and Negative influences.

We are programmed throughout our lives by other people’s thoughts opinions and behaviours. We are programmed by who we hang around, the people who we associate with most, also by the media and other means. We are told by these people what to think, what to feel, how to act, how to be. We are shaped by them even though a lot of the time it’s just their opinion and not fact. We are programmed by our colleagues who teach us to either be successful or not, we are also programmed by our own family and friends. They are our greatest influences. When they do not know the truth or believe they are in the right no matter what, they will tell you what they personally believe about you and go from there. When you hear such enough times it starts to chip away at who you are as a person and you start to believe what you have been told because you do not know any better.  This person may believe that they are in the right and you are in the wrong no matter what you say.

Having grown up and being told by one of my family “because I know so” has really started to make me realise, hang on no one knows everything. They may think that they may know everything, however what evidence they have about such. I have seen lives destroyed owing to hanging around the wrong influences or not being prepared to refute what the other person has said. They accept that someone else may know better or what has been said to them is truth. I have seen people who literally do not give a rats about others, they expect that they can just have a go at someone and that person will take such. I can remember my own life was in pieces owing to the fact that I was hanging around the wrong people, their opinion of me was not good and they didn’t give a stuff that they hurt someone else. Who they are bulling or pushing around; they had low self esteem and self worth so they had to be little others.

These days it’s a lot easier for me however there are still times when I am in a very bad environment. It’s one thing that I have been working on getting away from for years now, I know in my heart of hearts that it is not going to get better whist such negative influences are around. Also I know that it is what I needed to learn in order to become successful. When you expect someone to hurt you, then they end up doing such, however when you know that person will not hurt you then it does not happen. Everyone is told at an early age that we are either good or bad; we are shown by others how they expect us to act around them. Each person will project good or bad thoughts onto their environment. In my own life there are many examples of things being ok until a bad influence comes along, then things start to go really badly.

A lot of people do not realise what they are doing and they wonder why is my life such a mess. They go poor me, they pull themselves and others down. This is owing to the chatter which is going on in their mind. They may say “it’s ok to be cranky with someone else because I am in a cranky mood”, “because I said so”, “because I know so”. Yet another person’s bad mood projects onto the people who are around you, it projects onto those who you love most. People do not realise that they are projecting their negative thoughts onto others around them. They are projecting their thoughts about money, religion, poverty. These people are acting out their own programming. They are acting out their subconscious programming, the person thinks oh I am going to go broke and they send themselves broke. They do not realise that they are coming from the lack mentality. They are programming their own mind with lack and not realising that they are the cause of their own problems.

In order to correct this you need to stop listening to those influences which will drag you down more and more. You need to start hanging around people who are more positive then they are negative, sure the positive people can be negative at times. However they pick themselves up and get back to what they were doing as quickly as they can no matter what. The people who think I am right no matter what, they believe that they know everything and this is the most dangerous thing you can ever think I know everything and I am always right no matter what. This person is being ignorant and refuses to acknowledge the fact that they do not know everything at all.

Someone within this state of mind tends to push people away, what happens is people stop calling or speaking to you. They literally stop interacting with you because you always drag them down and you are such a drain to them, you can lose a lot of friends that way. The person who cannot help themselves is the one who needs help and either refuses to get it our does not even know they need help. They are told they need help and do nothing about it at all. They think they are in the right no matter what. They do not give a stuff about others, as it’s all about them. They literally do not care about who they offended or hurt, they do not care about the rules and regulations it’s all about them. This is the person you need to work on getting away from, the person who refuses to acknowledge anyone else's rights as a person; they have no respect for themselves so they tear others down in the process to big note themselves.

These people quite often have the biggest ego, they think they can say what they want and get away with it. They think that they have the authority to do as they please and not care about the consequences of their own actions. Some will learn the lesson of their own actions unfortunately a number of them do not. Those that do not may never fully understand why they have such few friends as they have pushed most them away. They do not understand why people don’t call or why people no longer want to be around them.

Want to know more? Just ask. You can call or email me.

Do you want to learn how to create better relationships? Information is available by downloading our free eBook.

Failure inspires the winners

Failure inspires the winners as it often teaches them valuable lessons on how to get better and what they need to do to become successful. With every failure there is quite often a chance to learn something new, it brings with such the opportunity to learn to be greater. Quite often failure is showing us those things we still need to learn so we can be successful in life, quite often there is also a lesson for us to learn. We may be shown that we listening to others opinions too much; you never know what the lesson could be. It could be saying look you are working too hard; you are not taking care of yourself.

Each person has to learn things prior to becoming a success in their own lives. However the question is what is successful to you. Also what do you do when the failures show up, do you just keep on going to that goal saying I want this goal and I am going to have it no matter how long it may take. Do you quit and give up saying I do not deserve this, we are being tested as to how willing we are to achieve that goal of ours. Sometimes we need to think ok why is this not working for me, sometimes it is quite evident. However with persistence you will succeed at your goal. No matter how long it may take. Often the solution does appear when you have changed enough to become worth that goal.

There are people who get frustrated because their business is not moving fast enough and yes I will say it has happened to me. However I had to realise I was not being successful because I had not changed enough; I had not become worth that goal which I was seeking to achieve, I had not developed myself enough to obtain the goal that I was after. My own failures have just shown me what I need to do to allow myself to become the person I have to be for my own future. I have to allow myself to learn from them and to become better to develop those skills which I personally need in order to become successful.

Every person has to learn the skills needed in order to become successful in their chosen field. For some people there are talents which are natural talents, others these skills need to be developed within a person. In order to become successful in any form of business, relationship or profession you have to become more. In order to make more money you have to become worth that money, in other words you have to become worth that goal which you are currently seeking.

Imagine you want to get married or be in a relationship however you interpersonal skills are none too good. What do you need to do you need to develop those skills; you need to learn to become a better partner. To learn how to encourage your partner, to learn to support you partner no matter what happens. You need to learn how to show them that you care, however you cannot be motivated by your own needs, you have to be motivated to for fill that persons needs. By helping your partner achieve their goals you will find that you can achieve your own goals as a person. Ok so what I mean is that you need to look at how you can also help others achieve their goals also.

A potential partner may be seeking acceptance, support, encouragement, love, to be cared about unconditionally and shown that no matter what you’d be there for them. Everyone needs something different. Everyone in life is seeking something different, when you find what your reason and purpose is and start heading towards such without giving up then no matter what that goal is yours, however the problem becomes that you need to be consistent and persistent towards the achievement of that goal which you are working towards. You need to believe it’s your goal no matter what and go for it.

When you say you are in that means you are committed to that goal, to that company, to that profession, that business, that person, that marriage, that relationship no matter what. You will continue towards that goal no matter what until. You will persist no matter what happens until you become worth that goal or dream. Everyone is so different, you have to realise that some people will literally push you away with their attitude, and others shall pull you closer to them. Eventually the ones who push people away may start to wonder hey what happened. Why is this going on? they may not realise what they are doing. Yet it’s who they are. There may be many things which need to change within a person to become successful, it’s a matter of working out what needs to change and how you are going to change such.

Below is a list of something's people may need to change or do in order to be successful.

  • Learn how to build better relationships.
  • Learn to save money.
  • Learn to budget.
  • Learn to control their anger.
  • Learn to eat better.
  • Improve their self esteem.
  • Improve their self image.
  • Not be worried about what others think.
  • Lose weight.
  • Improve their health.
  • Learn a new skill.
  • Stop procrastinating – stop putting things off until tomorrow and do those things today.
  • Time management.
  • Leadership skills.
  • Teaching or training skills.

Each person has their own individual learning curve which they need in order to become successful at their calling in life. It is a matter of learning those skills and never giving up. Persisting until you have obtained that, learning from those failures and saying ok there are still some skills which I have to learn. So what do I now need to learn to become better as a person? Where do I go from here, generally when you ask yourself the plans will come without much effort and you need to think ok yes this is what needs to happen now. This is how things must happen.

Want to know more? Just ask. You can call or email me.

Do you want to learn how to create better relationships? Information is available by downloading our free eBook.

Persistence

Persistence quite simply put is the willpower to keep on going towards a given goal even times are rough. It’s the power to keep yourself going no matter what during those periods; some people go through a lot during the course of their lives. They can have a broken family, they may end up with health issues, there are so many reasons that people give up. Yet when someone is determined to achieve their goal no matter what the cost they go for that goal and are determined that they will have such no matter what. They work on achieving that goal even though it may actually take them sometime to achieve such.

They know no matter what that goal is going to be theirs. The person just keeps on going learning from all the lessons which they have had to learn during their own life. They work on achieving their goal no matter what it takes. They know that it’s right and the correct thing for them to do, some people may go through 1000 no’s prior to getting that one big yes. Yet what people do not realise is that in the end everything comes back to that person who was determined to get their goal no matter what. That person goes I am going to do this until, I am not giving up. Jim Rohn’s quote of

When you find your mountain in life go for it, some people will stand there and say it’s too high, too rocky, you are not good enough. All Jim says is
I am going to the top, you are either going to see me waving my flag from the top of that mountain or dead on the side because I am not coming back.

This quote is totally applicable to persistence; you need to persist with those goals no matter what may happen, just keep on going. Eventually you will achieve success through learning from what you have learned along the way. Life is a learning experience you learn from your mistakes and learn also from your gains. When a person is determined to win they may have already had a number of losses. You never know why a person chooses to commit to goal or a person that is up to them.

Yet when someone is on a mission they leave nothing unturned stopping them from the achievement of their goal or dream. Often when a person stops it may be just before they are destined to achieve any form of success. You see at times we are tricked into believing that we are not being successful however the big success could be right there in front of you however it is not visible at that point.

People who are not determined quit for many reasons because they have given up dreaming, however when they are persistent with a goal and just keep on going then that goal is theirs. You need to persistent to achieve the goal and also committed to attainment no matter what it takes. Have a burning desire to achieve the goal, yet also be determined that no matter what the goal is going to be yours. Know within your heart that you are working towards that goal even though you may not see any progress at that point in time. However quite often you are actually achieving your goal even though it may not be evident or noticeable. When a person is persistent, they remain with the goal no matter how many times they fall down. No matter how many times they are told no, no matter how many times they are told to get lost.

Eventually no matter what the person has changed enough to become worth that goal, they have started to become what they were seeking and the sky is the limit from that point. Never give up or say it’s too hard and not worth such. Continue with your goals and dreams no matter what. Eventually when you are persistent you will obtain the goal and a lot more. During those quite times we are being tested to see just how persistent we are to achieve that goal which we are seeking.

Want to know more? Just ask. You can call or email me.

Do you want to learn how to create better relationships? Information is available by downloading our free eBook.

When do you say this is enough

The hard part is knowing when you have had enough of a problem, a situation or similar. Generally there happens to be an upper tolerance for people. When people reach this they start looking at the options and start trying to work out what is the best option for them. Essentially how they are going to get the problem deal with. They are saying look how am I able handle this problem or what can I do about this situation, it’s different for each person as to what they accept and tolerate as a person. Even for how long, however there is a point when they say I have had enough of this, I am going to do something about such and then to go from that point on.

This is often a time of change for that person, as they are saying I am not prepared to accept such anymore. Whether it’s a living arrangement, a financial situation, grieving over a dead relative you never know what will cause that person to say no more. Quite often the problem or situation has built up over time and will take work to be able to deal with. Each person needs to do this in their own way and go from there. When a person has had enough they work on dealing with the problem, they do whatever it takes no matter what and they are motivated to change the problem. Normally this is when the problem has been going on for so long.

Essentially only you know when you have had enough and when to say this is enough. It depends on how much you are prepared to put up with as a person. That is what the real test is knowing what you are prepared to accept and not accept as a person.

Want to know more? Just ask. You can call or email me.

Do you want to learn how to create better relationships? Information is available by downloading our free eBook.

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