January, 2011 • Coach Freedom and Friends

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In life the hardest thing can be letting go of someone who meant a lot to you. Sometimes it’s just that not easy at all, the people who come into our lives are there either for a short or long time however they are always there to teach us something. Weather it’s about ourselves or to help us improve who we are, there are people who love us for who we are and others who just can not accept who we are and are constantly trying to change us. They are telling us why we shouldn’t achieve a goal. Although you may love them it’s hard, letting go of them in the way of love is not a very easy process.

Yet sometimes it has to be done, what you need to do is say goodbye in your own way to them. Sometimes its easy when the person passes on or dies, other times it’s necessary to say they are never going to change. They will not ever be what I want them to be as a person, the hard part is that some people can come from a number of very bad emotions because they do not want to lose that person. Some people will use fear tactics, jealousy, revenge, greed and anger to justify why the person should not go. This can be for many reasons, however letting go of someone who you love is about saying they made their choice.

When a person dies it can be hard enough, yet each relationship needs grieving. Sometimes it’s not very easy at all to lose someone, yet everyone has their own process. You need to work out how you let go of those who you love.

Want to know more? Just ask. You can call or email me.

Want to learn more about relationships http://bdrake.successin10steps.com/?mad=52669 information is available from this eBook.

Be mentored for free Ben Drake

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Growing up without being shown love

28/01/2011

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| Mentor Ben Drake

| 11:21 am

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One of the hardest environments to grow up in an environment where there is abuse. Unfortunately it’s an environment where some people grow up, the environment where the parents do not love themselves; so they show the child no love, which hurts them later in life. It makes it hard to be able to create friendships and feel safe with others; it makes it hard to even love yourself. What you need to do is learn that it’s not your fault that your parents were unable to love themselves and therefore showed you no love. You grow up being told what to do, what to say, what to think. Hmm again this leads back to programming.

So what you need to do is learn to love yourself despite the environment and upbringing. When you are able to leave awesome, however the hardest part is when you are unable to leave through fear or lack of funds. Now when someone has placed fear inside you from a young age making you feel worthless or worse. Then it does not help; when someone is unloved the lock off a lot of things, it’s hard as they sublimate their feelings in a way. I know that’s what I did, programming does not help. You get to the stage where you are pleading for help however it does not help, so what you need to do is learn to let yourself be lovable and to feel loved as person. The best way is to start by saying “I like myself”, when you start saying such to yourself and say it without problems, then you are able to say “I love myself”.

It may take a bit of work to say hey I love myself. Yet when you can love yourself you start having a chance to rebuild your life again. Can you say to yourself 10 times without a problem I like myself or I love myself? That’s a big question. You have to say such to yourself constantly, no matter what and program such into your mind that you love yourself. Despite your influences you love yourself. Many people turn to different things owing to not loving themselves. That is the thing; many addictions are because the person may not love themselves. They are writing themselves off owing to not loving themselves as person.

Want to know more? Just ask. You can call or email me.

Want to learn more about relationships http://bdrake.successin10steps.com/?mad=52669 information is available from this eBook.

Be a mentor with a servants heart Ben Drake

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Finding the strength to cope during the rough periods.

27/01/2011

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| Mentor Ben Drake

| 9:43 am

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Finding the strength to cope or to move on during rough periods is hard. It’s not easy, one of the things that is needed during these periods is a friend who fully understands and is willing to be supportive and encouraging during this period. They accept and support you through that period either good or bad no matter what. Often when we hang around the wrong influences for too long we start to go downhill. I know that is the case with me, what you do is have someone who is willing to help and show you that they are there for you no matter what.

A true friend will stand by you through those rough periods. Even when you have to do what has to be done, the false friends are the ones who are unable to always be found when you need them. They are busy and do not commit. They do not reply quickly to you asking for help from them. During these periods it’s great to have more than one person to support you, however sometimes you may only find that one person who is willing to be there.

The people who understand the best are quite often those people who have been there before. They are the ones who can provide you with the strength to cope and show you the support which you personally need as a person. Yes sometimes you may feel like a fuck up and not be happy, however those times are when you need to say no I am going to do this until no matter what. The rough periods are tests to see how much you are willing to accept and take. How much you are willing to put up with, sure complaining doesn’t make situation any better. However when you can say what is going on or has happened then it really tends to be helpful.

The best thing is knowing what someone else is like and doing your best to not be frustrated by such. Yet when you are frustrated by something it’s either speaking up or saying no I am not going to take or accept this at all. When you say I am not going to accept or take this and people continually push your boundaries then it’s saying I do not care. At that point it is best to ask yourself what are you getting from that friendship. A rough period as Jim Rohn classes it are the winters of our lives, they are periods of change and assessment of what is working and not. They may be cold and barren with little results; however they are quite often a time for reflection.

A winter can be that period after the breakup of a family, a relationship, a friendship, a loss of a job, a death in the family. They are the hard times, as Jim puts it so well the winters can be either long or short. There is only a certain amount we each get, so what we need to do is take stock and develop coping mechanisms for ourselves with what has happened. Then we go out there and work on improving ourselves. So we need to find those people who are willing to help us through what we are going through and to find a solution to those problems. For some people it’s walking away from that relationship, others it’s working on so many things. You have to find the solution, quite often the solution to the problem will appear when you have developed into the person have to become.

That may just take time to become who you had to become and to develop into that person prior to finding the right solution for you.

Want to know more? Just ask. You can call or email me.

Want to learn more about relationships http://bdrake.successin10steps.com/?mad=52669 information is available from this eBook.

Be a mentor with a servants heart Ben Drake

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Living life for yourself and not for others

26/01/2011

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| Mentor Ben Drake

| 10:54 am

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What do I mean by such, well at times in our lives we live by what others tell us or program us to do. At other times we put others first we take care of them over our own wants needs and desires. People will put others needs wants or desires ahead of their own, therefore what we do is live our lives filling those needs and wants that others have. It’s hard when you have people are telling you no you cannot do that as this is going to happen. Often you need to switch off to those negative naysayer's who do not understand what is going on or why you want to do something. When you do not feel safe telling them what’s motivating you to do such. You then need to find a person who motivates you to achieve those goals no matter what.

Often people are driven to achieve the goals of others, they are told to go do this by someone who means well and may be trying to live out their own lives through yourself and they do not understand what they are doing. So what happens is the person who was convinced to do something ends up regretting the decision or not being happy with that choice. They end up hating the decision and feeling like they have done nothing or achieved nothing major in life. It’s not easy yet what is best is to honestly put yourself before others needs. That means saying no I am going to do what you want. It means living your own life now that may mean clothes, being closer to friends. A relationship, a family who knows only that person does.

When someone is saying you cannot do that it’s their programming coming up as a person. They were told no you cannot do that so they want to push such onto whoever they speak to, so therefore what you do is you find the people who are going to encourage you to achieve those goals and dreams and not say why do you want that. These people do not understand what they are doing. Its hard and yet it’s what has to happen, sometimes you need to realise who your most valuable influences are and what they are doing to you. Are you working to achieve your own goals or the goals of someone else.

Along the road you will find someone who’s goals and dreams will closely align with that of your own. I have seen this happen; you may have such a deep understanding with someone that it’s not funny. People live their lives programmed by others, when they start programming their own mind it can really help them a lot. When they start achieve their own goals and dreams it can also help so much. Sometimes it may be a matter of saying no this is my goal or dream and I am not going to let you take such away from me. When you give up its saying well I am not good enough to achieve that goal or dream, you say well I do not deserve such. I am not worthy; I do not deserve such at all.

Want to know more? Just ask. You can call or email me.

Want to learn more about relationships http://bdrake.successin10steps.com/?mad=52669 information is available from this eBook.

Be a mentor with a servants heart Ben Drake

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Making a commitment

25/01/2011

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| Mentor Ben Drake

| 10:19 am

In life we meet people who say yes I am going to do that and never follow through with such. They say yes and then do not go through with that commitment. It does not mean that the person is unreliable it means that they have other things which they consider a priority. Suppose someone say's I shall call you at such time or over the weekend and the call does not happen. It means that the person generally forgot, it is quite often a sign that you are not one of their priorities.

When I make a commitment to something I shall see it through, I will do my best to ensure that I keep that commitment. It literally means for me writing down what has to be done and then going from there, however that is ok. Its prioritizing things, when someone says oh I will call you back and do not it are hard. Sure people get busy yet what it suggests is that the person was not committed to what they said they wanted to do or were going to do.

Sometimes it’s a real test of a person’s character showing what the person is like. As when someone says the same thing and does not follow through it raises a flag saying hmm are they committed to such. I know that for me notes are what necessary or to do list saying this is what has to be done. Sure sometimes there have to be delays in what has to be done, yet other times it can be done. When something is really important like a meeting or appointment I make sure that I set a reminder via phone and calendar. When someone says when I have time it means I will think about doing it when I am ready. It may also be that they do not have time to do such. When people say I am too busy it means they are literally too busy to do such.

When I am ready, that could be a month or so away and that is not good. It’s the person’s way of saying no. Even when someone says I will try its being polite and saying no. It’s what happens in life, however when will not commit to something it’s not your problem it’s theirs. The person needs to feel comfortable with that commitment whatever it is, marriage, business, phone call, when someone does not feel safe it does not help.

Want to know more? Just ask. You can call or email me.

Want to learn more about relationships http://bdrake.successin10steps.com/?mad=52669 information is available from this eBook.

Be a mentor with a servants heart Ben Drake

Month: January 2011

Letting go of those who you love

Growing up without being shown love

Finding the strength to cope during the rough periods.

Living life for yourself and not for others

Making a commitment