Blog • Coach Freedom and Friends

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Finding the strength to cope or to move on during rough periods is hard. It’s not easy, one of the things that is needed during these periods is a friend who fully understands and is willing to be supportive and encouraging during this period. They accept and support you through that period either good or bad no matter what. Often when we hang around the wrong influences for too long we start to go downhill. I know that is the case with me, what you do is have someone who is willing to help and show you that they are there for you no matter what.

A true friend will stand by you through those rough periods. Even when you have to do what has to be done, the false friends are the ones who are unable to always be found when you need them. They are busy and do not commit. They do not reply quickly to you asking for help from them. During these periods it’s great to have more than one person to support you, however sometimes you may only find that one person who is willing to be there.

The people who understand the best are quite often those people who have been there before. They are the ones who can provide you with the strength to cope and show you the support which you personally need as a person. Yes sometimes you may feel like a fuck up and not be happy, however those times are when you need to say no I am going to do this until no matter what. The rough periods are tests to see how much you are willing to accept and take. How much you are willing to put up with, sure complaining doesn’t make situation any better. However when you can say what is going on or has happened then it really tends to be helpful.

The best thing is knowing what someone else is like and doing your best to not be frustrated by such. Yet when you are frustrated by something it’s either speaking up or saying no I am not going to take or accept this at all. When you say I am not going to accept or take this and people continually push your boundaries then it’s saying I do not care. At that point it is best to ask yourself what are you getting from that friendship. A rough period as Jim Rohn classes it are the winters of our lives, they are periods of change and assessment of what is working and not. They may be cold and barren with little results; however they are quite often a time for reflection.

A winter can be that period after the breakup of a family, a relationship, a friendship, a loss of a job, a death in the family. They are the hard times, as Jim puts it so well the winters can be either long or short. There is only a certain amount we each get, so what we need to do is take stock and develop coping mechanisms for ourselves with what has happened. Then we go out there and work on improving ourselves. So we need to find those people who are willing to help us through what we are going through and to find a solution to those problems. For some people it’s walking away from that relationship, others it’s working on so many things. You have to find the solution, quite often the solution to the problem will appear when you have developed into the person have to become.

That may just take time to become who you had to become and to develop into that person prior to finding the right solution for you.

Want to know more? Just ask. You can call or email me.

Want to learn more about relationships http://bdrake.successin10steps.com/?mad=52669 information is available from this eBook.

Be a mentor with a servants heart Ben Drake

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Living life for yourself and not for others

26/01/2011

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| Mentor Ben Drake

| 10:54 am

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What do I mean by such, well at times in our lives we live by what others tell us or program us to do. At other times we put others first we take care of them over our own wants needs and desires. People will put others needs wants or desires ahead of their own, therefore what we do is live our lives filling those needs and wants that others have. It’s hard when you have people are telling you no you cannot do that as this is going to happen. Often you need to switch off to those negative naysayer's who do not understand what is going on or why you want to do something. When you do not feel safe telling them what’s motivating you to do such. You then need to find a person who motivates you to achieve those goals no matter what.

Often people are driven to achieve the goals of others, they are told to go do this by someone who means well and may be trying to live out their own lives through yourself and they do not understand what they are doing. So what happens is the person who was convinced to do something ends up regretting the decision or not being happy with that choice. They end up hating the decision and feeling like they have done nothing or achieved nothing major in life. It’s not easy yet what is best is to honestly put yourself before others needs. That means saying no I am going to do what you want. It means living your own life now that may mean clothes, being closer to friends. A relationship, a family who knows only that person does.

When someone is saying you cannot do that it’s their programming coming up as a person. They were told no you cannot do that so they want to push such onto whoever they speak to, so therefore what you do is you find the people who are going to encourage you to achieve those goals and dreams and not say why do you want that. These people do not understand what they are doing. Its hard and yet it’s what has to happen, sometimes you need to realise who your most valuable influences are and what they are doing to you. Are you working to achieve your own goals or the goals of someone else.

Along the road you will find someone who’s goals and dreams will closely align with that of your own. I have seen this happen; you may have such a deep understanding with someone that it’s not funny. People live their lives programmed by others, when they start programming their own mind it can really help them a lot. When they start achieve their own goals and dreams it can also help so much. Sometimes it may be a matter of saying no this is my goal or dream and I am not going to let you take such away from me. When you give up its saying well I am not good enough to achieve that goal or dream, you say well I do not deserve such. I am not worthy; I do not deserve such at all.

Want to know more? Just ask. You can call or email me.

Want to learn more about relationships http://bdrake.successin10steps.com/?mad=52669 information is available from this eBook.

Be a mentor with a servants heart Ben Drake

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Making a commitment

25/01/2011

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| Mentor Ben Drake

| 10:19 am

In life we meet people who say yes I am going to do that and never follow through with such. They say yes and then do not go through with that commitment. It does not mean that the person is unreliable it means that they have other things which they consider a priority. Suppose someone say's I shall call you at such time or over the weekend and the call does not happen. It means that the person generally forgot, it is quite often a sign that you are not one of their priorities.

When I make a commitment to something I shall see it through, I will do my best to ensure that I keep that commitment. It literally means for me writing down what has to be done and then going from there, however that is ok. Its prioritizing things, when someone says oh I will call you back and do not it are hard. Sure people get busy yet what it suggests is that the person was not committed to what they said they wanted to do or were going to do.

Sometimes it’s a real test of a person’s character showing what the person is like. As when someone says the same thing and does not follow through it raises a flag saying hmm are they committed to such. I know that for me notes are what necessary or to do list saying this is what has to be done. Sure sometimes there have to be delays in what has to be done, yet other times it can be done. When something is really important like a meeting or appointment I make sure that I set a reminder via phone and calendar. When someone says when I have time it means I will think about doing it when I am ready. It may also be that they do not have time to do such. When people say I am too busy it means they are literally too busy to do such.

When I am ready, that could be a month or so away and that is not good. It’s the person’s way of saying no. Even when someone says I will try its being polite and saying no. It’s what happens in life, however when will not commit to something it’s not your problem it’s theirs. The person needs to feel comfortable with that commitment whatever it is, marriage, business, phone call, when someone does not feel safe it does not help.

Want to know more? Just ask. You can call or email me.

Want to learn more about relationships http://bdrake.successin10steps.com/?mad=52669 information is available from this eBook.

Be a mentor with a servants heart Ben Drake

Could you rebuild your life in the event of a major disaster?

24/01/2011

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| Mentor Ben Drake

| 10:32 am

Major disasters happen all the time. There are earthquakes, floods, bushfires, cyclones, fires and so many more disasters that happen in a person’s life. It’s not just the natural disasters which happen with Mother Nature’s; it’s the ones which are personal also such as divorces, death of a loved one, a major illness, a major injury. Yet when faced with such would it be possible for you to rebuild your own life. Sure it would take time no matter what.

One of the things that I have been learning is despite any disaster which does happen that no one can take away what I know, who I am as a person. Now my home may be destroyed by something yet I know that no matter what I can rebuild my life and become stronger. You see you may fall down many times before you are successful, however with the knowledge you have inside you it is always possible to rebuild your own life. Some people look around and go it’s all gone what am I going to do and fall to pieces. Yes that is what would happen to anyone, the people who are successful are those that pick themselves up from such and go ok this has happened lets rebuild.

They dust themselves off and get back to work. No matter how many times they are knocked down, no one can take away what knowledge you have inside you. You may lose your job, you may lose your home, your child, your spouse, however sometimes you need to say it’s happened now and it’s time to build this again. The death of a loved one is hard for anyone, yet life does move on. Sometimes we meet the most amazing people who are in our lives for a little while. Each person quite often has something to teach us or a reason why they are placed in our own lives. Some people are in there a short time others, a long time.

The question is could you rebuild, I know I certainly could dust myself off and get back on the road towards my goals again.

Want to know more? Just ask. You can call or email me.

Want to learn more about relationships http://bdrake.successin10steps.com/?mad=52669 information is available from this eBook.

Be a mentor with a servants heart Ben Drake

How to build a relationship with someone.

21/01/2011

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| Mentor Ben Drake

| 11:42 am

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Everyone is different as to how they build relationships with people. Some people prefer to get to know another person online. Others are ok meeting in person, however you find it best to develop that relationship with others is ok. People say hey you should be out there meeting people through cafes or simular. Some people are uncomfortable meeting new people unless its in a group situation and they know someone already. Each person is different. Now the best way to build any relationship with another person is through the following.

Getting to know them as a person (with no motive at all)
Being yourself (not putting on a show or acting)
Being interested in them as a person.

Lets look at this in more detail.

This is all achieved by getting to know them as a person; this is about knowing who they are as a person. The best way is to start taking a interest in them as a person using the following areas of their life. Work, Family, Kids, Friendships.

What do they do for work or have they done in the past.
Are they married, single, seeing someone, do they have kids
Do they have many friends
What do they want to achieve in life
What motivates them as a person.

You can not have any other motive or that person will see right through such, when you take a genuine interest in someone it is obvious.

For example: When you are only interested in making more money then it shows. People can detect such, the same as when you are only interested in someone for a one night stand and they are not, the other person will see right through you. When you genuinely yourself then you have nothing to fear at all. People will stay with you when you have no motive what so ever as a person, they will respect you more for not having any motive. They will want to be around you as a person, I have met a lot of people who have motives other then my own, these people often leave a clue showing their intentions. People do not realise their true intentions are showing through however it’s what happens.

You have to be yourself at all times, now when you know the person you can be a little more comfortable and relaxed with them. However if you have a motive it does not help, a good friendship of mine started off as friends. Now I was just a friend to them, we’d communicate and they’d help. As I was genuine it’s been a wonderful thing, I have seen it become stronger. You do not get such when you have a motive as a person. A number of people who have come into my own life have left a clue as to their real intention, sometimes it may be a word or phrase. You see when you are yourself then all sorts of possibilities open up and it’s really great.

So what you need to do is know the person, not start pushing what you want from them. Be yourself, when you do the wrong thing by someone it will blow up in your face. However when you do the right thing it does not. Sure there are going to be times when it’s scary, however when you have nothing to worry about or have done nothing wrong then its not going to blow up in your own face. I know that no matter what I have always been genuine and to me I am proud of that.

Want to know more? Just ask. You can call or email me.

Want to learn more about relationships http://bdrake.successin10steps.com/?mad=52669 information is available from this eBook.

Be a mentor with a servants heart Ben Drake

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