During the course of our lives we have situations which need us to deal with problems which arise. It may be the death of a member of the family, it can be a separation of family members (parents divorce, decide to separate). We lose our best friend for some reason, we can no longer live where we are, we no longer have a job or we no longer have an income. There are so many issues and problems that arise; the best thing is to think about ok how can I get myself back on track here. What can I do to make this work for me as a person?
It’s about working around what we are able to do about the problem and making it work for us as a person. The people who continually demand and force others to give in are controlling, however the thing is sometimes it’s a matter of learning ok what am I meant to learn here. I know people who just push their opinion on someone and are exceptionally forceful in doing such. In order to get our lives back on track from such we need to separate from them. We need to say sorry however I am no longer going to take this anymore sometimes that is the hardest decision to make. Sometimes it’s a matter of saying no more. Even when we set boundaries their happen to be people who do not respect these.
In order to get our lives back on track we need to begin the rebuilding process, we need to cultivate and build the relationships which are positive and not negative. We need to walk away from those negative bad emotions, saying no I am not going to put up with this anymore. There are people who continually have others living in fear; they are the worst people to live around. As when you live with those people you are made to feel you are not worth anything. You are made to feel that you opinion is not worth anything, nothing you say is right. Sometimes it’s not even possible to have friends.
The best thing to do hear is to say no I am not going to take this and to work on leaving the situation as quick as possible. Some people never learn that it’s their attitude towards you that is why you speak to them as you do, they do not realise they are projecting their bad mood and bad thoughts onto you. Others refuse to think that a person may be acting out because they are not feeling accepted, loved or appreciated. Others are trying to deal with the pressures of so many people pushing them around, the people who treat others badly wonder why they are being treated so badly, it’s because they hate themselves, and they force their opinions on someone and do not give stuff about anyone else they just do as they please. These people do not love themselves, so the best thing is that you walk out of the situation and to say no I am not prepared to accept this. As often the people who push others around refuse to listen to reason, they refuse to listen to what others say.
People develop coping strategies owing to how they have been brought up. They learn to handle certain situations, some people realise that they are being controlled. For others it can take years, even a lifetime to realise they are being controlled. When a person does not feel safe or secure, then they start to shut down. When they do not feel that they have the right to feel the emotions or are shunned for having them then they shut down. People shut down for even not being allowed to talk to friends, not being able to do anything they want anymore, they shut down because they are not even able to have friends over.
The people who shut down and learn to please everyone are made to feel bad for their choices and hurt for what they want as a person. There is often a person who has created fear in this person that is controlling them. These people feel that they have power over that person and that they can do whatever they want, they can treat the other person as if they are not worth anything, talk to them as if they are not right, they think that they are always in the right and have to always control their environment and other people.
The best thing is to walk away from these people and to allow yourself to heal, to work on no longer living in that environment. When this is not possible as someone else is using you for some reason then we start to shut down. I have seen it happen in my own life, we then need to learn how to start the rebuilding process and how we can get our own lives back on track and this is about acknowledging who we are as a person. It is also about healing and starting to repair the damage which has been done. It’s about no longer letting those people who have a low opinion of themselves get to you. The ones who you care about are allowed in and helped. However these people need to ask for help.
The people who hurt you or think that they can do whatever they want to you in order to make themselves feel big, they can say what they want, treat you like you are not worth anything at all, these people are the people who are the hardest to live with, they are the hardest people to work with, the hardest people to have in our own lives. They refuse to acknowledge their own actions and the ramifications of their actions, they do not even realise that they are the ones who have literally created the problem. There are people who literally do not care who they offend and push around.
In order to get our own lives back on track we have to acknowledge who we are with our personality and then go from there. We have to be free to be ourselves and not feel controlled, used, hurt, abused, neglected or unloved at all. We also need to walk away from the problems or situations which are causing us pain and say no I am not prepared to accept such anymore.
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