I was diagnosed with a chronic life disability at 17. In the years to come, I would spend time working on becoming stronger, the most difficult area was that was needing to be able to survive and live however found that there were few out there willing to take on someone who had significant life challenges. As was needing to focus on health and a life.
Unfortunately due to no one wanting to take on a person with a chronic injury and more, left me with low self-esteem as felt that I was unable to do much at all. Along side a number of roles being unable to handle health or emotional side aswell.
As an adult dad left claiming that he didn’t want dependents anymore, I’d spent years working on improving my health looking for work and was even self-employed running my own business during those times. Growing and becoming more. I even had a number of volunteer roles. Family was unable accept that worked for myself or was not part of the traditional work force.
One of my own roles was within the emergency services field as a volunteer a area which I’ve volunteered for over 20 years including attending the Sydney 2000 olympic games. It was a 24 hour 7 day a week role, unfortunately dad didn’t see that as work either. It was him at times he’s even said “what f****n job”when I was going in for a volunteer role with a overnight start.
I took dads leaving pretty hard, feeling that I was to blame for him not being willing to accept a son who had disabilities and limits in his abilities. It was his own issues that were being projected onto myself, I’ve had to learn that my own father is unable to be the father figure who can rely on. With many events showing just could not rely upon him.
Even now I am seeing dad only occasionally.
When I first got started changing my own health it was because I’d dislocated my knee cap for the 4th time in around 10 years. (1 on the right, 3 on the left), the right knee was worst, and I was unable to drive for 12 weeks during the recovery.
I was at 131 kg and had worked for a number of fast food restaurants. Family knew nothing about a healthy diet, salads were unknown at home. We stayed at home most weekends and barely went anywhere that was how the family existed. I lived on a diet of coke and chocolate as well. I would buy a 1.25 litre soft drink and it would be gone by the end of the day. I was so uneducated about healthy lifestyle, knew nothing about water or healthy choices.
During schooling I was subject to bulling as was a slow learner, spelling was a challenge personally, I just struggled. I found that unless it was interesting to myself I’d be off somewhere else in my own mind. So what caused that complete lifestyle change. For me there was so many items that did.
I was also struggling building relationships as they were barely demonstrated at home, we stayed at home. You barely ever saw my family go out, go away or do anything other than shopping. We barely ever had any other adults over other than family. Little did I know that parents were also struggling financially. When dad left it was who he was, he said that we could stay at the then home until my grandmother could no longer live there and then we’d have to move and sell.
I was wanting to have a relationship, I was scared of being hurt again as a number of relationships had fallen apart or were very destructive. I found a couple of relationships later in life however they were more looking for a score than to have a relationship where I was looking for a family of my own wife and kids. I met my wife 3 months after leaving the 2nd relationship that sought only to score nothing more. I was considering doing foster care, however I was scared of what the family would have to say so I stopped.
I have even expressed ideas to supposed friends over the years about my model train set design which I am wanting to build. Often its been met by a number of rubbish comments like, “do you know how big that is”, I’d talk about my dream car with the same resistance. Its been learning to walk away from all that resistance too.
So how did I overcome all this simple by learning the skills needed. Which skills, well send me a message and I’ll let You know which skills. Yes it was skills however there was so many that had to learn.
