A powerful article from John Grey on someone just giving and continuing to give. As per a relationship. Yet also starting to take care of yourself as a person,
a person grows and becomes more. Thanks to Jim Rohn’s newsletter for this wonderful article,
Curing the Resentment Flu – Learn to Let Go…
by John GrayWhen we love someone, we don’t want to let them down. We try very hard to be the person and do the things that will make them happy. At some point, we become more relaxed in the company of our beloved. Maybe too relaxed for our own good. When a woman is happy in a relationship she typically begins to give and do more, believing that her partner will reciprocate. When he unknowingly doesn’t live up to her expectations, resentment begins to build. She doesn’t want to rock the boat, so she remains quiet – for now…what is the Resentment Flu?
Resentment is caused when we feel like we are giving more than we are getting. It starts when our partner somehow, and quite possibly by accident, does or says something that we take personally. We begin to imagine that our partner doesn’t care. It goes unresolved and burrows and festers. It can even cause us to become physically ill.
Resentment is caused when we feel like we are giving more than we are getting. How do we cure these feelings and return to our relationship with the loving, caring feelings we know are there?
The solution for women is to:
- Take responsibility for giving more and getting less. Remember the best way to even the score is to gracefully give less.
- Treat yourself as if you have the flu and take a break from giving so much. Just like when you don’t feel well, slow down and take care of yourself physically.
- Pamper yourself. Allow yourself to be pampered and give yourself some alone time, just for you. Practice receiving. Allow your partner to take care of you for a while.
When a man catches the resentment flu, he typically feels unappreciated and pulls away his support. It is important for him to remember that when his partner has the resentment flu, it is harder for her to show her support and appreciation for him. It is crucial at this time for a man to do the little things he was doing in the beginning of their relationship which made her feel loved.
The solution for men is to:
- Understand her need to receive for a while before she can give again. Just like a gas tank, a woman’s love tank needs regular refilling. When she is empty, it is hard for her to keep giving.
- Show his love and affection for her in loving, little ways. Redirect the energy and attention you are already giving in more romantic, less practical ways.
- Take responsibility for contributing to her getting the resentment flu by forgetting to do the little things. Acknowledge and allow her to have her upset feelings. Reassure her that you will be more considerate.
It is very easy to get caught up in the business of our day. We sometimes forget to stop and appreciate our partner and remember how they enrich our lives. Loving our partner without resentment is a gift we give to ourselves and each other.
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