Willena Flewelling – Alberta Canada
CHAPTER 4 – Autosuggestion
A week ago on the Monday Leadership call, Michael said:
“You were not born to win.
You were not born to lose.
You were born to CHOOSE.”
For a good many years, I didn’t think I had much choice in life. Things
happened to me.
My father died when I was seven, and we never got to build that home
out in the country.
My stepfather, was an alcoholic and he was the town garbage man. I wore
hand-me-down clothing that didn’t fit, from relatives or friends or even other
people’s trash that my stepdad brought home from his rounds. Kids called me
names and made fun of me.
BUT I learned early on that I really didn’t care what kids said about my
stepdad. He was an honest man, and a hard worker. And he brought home
the coolest stuff! Toys, dented cans of food, and even boxes of books. We
kids looked forward to when he got home, to see what he had brought us
this time. When he brought home books, I thought I was the luckiest girl in
town!!
As a young teen, I blamed my stepfather for all of our financial problems.
He was generous to a fault, but most of that generosity stopped at the
hotel, where he would go every day after work. On Fridays, he would buy
round after round of drinks for his buddies, and my mom would have to go
in and salvage what was left of it, to buy groceries and pay the rent.
BUT when I was 16, I asked God to give me a love for my stepfather as if
he were my own father… and He answered that prayer. I chose not to
blame him any more, and make the best of the situation I was in.
I can think of a number of other key choices I made as a teenager and
young woman, which were completely outside of what anyone else in my
family had ever done.
I chose to attend church, where I found a great group of friends and adult
mentors who all helped me keep out of trouble throughout my teen years.
I chose to marry a young man who shared my love for the Lord, and who
did not drink or smoke. A man who was like-minded in all the ways that were
important to me.
I chose to travel 2500 miles and attend Prairie Bible Institute, where I spent
three of the best and happiest years of my life. After grad, I was on staff
for almost a year, and then married my classmate, Ian.
And yet, underlying all of this has lingered a deep-seated feeling that life
is something that happens to me, and I am its unwilling victim. Sure, I make
the best of what happens, but it’s just that… *making the best of what
happens to me* while feeling sorry myself… rather than looking for something
better.
Life happens… but that’s not what it’s all about. Our son James died in the
prime of his young manhood, two years ago last December. It was a
staggering loss, not only for Ian and me, but for our six living children. We
miss him keenly even now. But we aren’t just drifting along aimlessly, longing
for the past and wishing James would walk through the front door. No! We’ve
moved on just as we would have, if he were still in our midst.
So many times I catch myself thinking in the wrong way, and I know that’s
the old negative self talk, which is the default if I’m not on guard. No matter
where I am in life, or what my circumstances are, I always have a choice.
~ Give in to the default negative, and be a victim. Or…
~ Choose my positive self talk and look for a better way.
I love Janet Stokes’ last sentence in her lesson plan this week:
“It is not how quick you are to develop that will bring success
but how determined you are to never give up.”
I am determined never to give up, no matter what else is going on in my life.
And I am so thankful that regardless of how inconsistent my actions appear
to be, and no matter how poor my results, Michael never gives up on me.
Willena Flewelling
Alberta Canada
Lesson plan from Willena Flewelling on chapter 4 for the 30 day mental cleanse.
You can participate in the 30 day mental cleanse at http://www.30daycleanse.com
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