Month: August 2012

Chapter 15 How to outwit the 6 ghosts of fear.
Wow this is a very powerful chapter personally, as its about overcoming those personal fears which we have as a person. Even my own personal fears as a person, I am able to remember back to high school and doing woodwork and being scared of the powertools. This took a while to overcome, being scared of cutting off limbs it literally petrified me as a person. These days yes I can use them with ease.
For years I have personally been sitting around in guilt and regret, scared of women because of being hurt so many times from them. I regrated being unable to stand up for myself in my youth which was hard. Everytime I asked one out it took a lot of courage and was very weak when speaking, that was hard it still happens now. Communicating with female friends during my youth was easy, yet as went into high school it became harder.
I have had to develop the persistence and determination to keep on going through it all, despite what came my own way. I was scared of women for many years and that was hard, at times it was owing to the criticisms of my school friends or simular as I always took things so personally. That has always been the hardest thing for me.
After having so many failed relationships and friendships I just crumbled taking all personally and my health declined I became insular that was unable to speak about what was going on. Love was scarce and well it scared me because I was blaming myself for many things. Even my parents divorce, although it was nothing personal I took it personally.
For me there have been a great deal of fears that need addressing, yet being scared will only hold me back. I just need to work up to such, just like when I worked up to walking in the door on my first night at train club a few months ago. It scared me something I loved and wanted to do, yet a new group I knew no one at all.
Yet although it took a few minuites to walk in the door I did it, even getting to the stage where I could say look I need to speak about this. Saying “I am unable to lift heavy objects owing to a injury with my back. 5 disc’s being damaged makes it hard to do such and I have had a lot of issues with people understanding such. It would be nice to know does that present a problem for you guys”
The answer was it is ok aslong as they are aware. For me that was a major source of pain and I was able to feel the tears starting as was expressing such. I have so many talents and I can see them, such as cooking, the love I have and so much more, yet its been a battle learning to overcome speaking about being unable to lift. Again when I had it often caused a number of issues with people who were unable to understand such at all.
This chapter is a real eye opener personally as it assisted me to understand that so many dissapointments in love have held me back. Being so hurt by love because others messed with such and I did not have the strength on my own to recognise what was going on or a way to correct the issue. When I felt unloved that is what I was getting, getting more and more hurt. I was continually being hurt by the one thing that meant the world to me because I was unable to love myself, something that was unknown personally.
Landing on my feet again after a break up was a big thing, yes it hurt for a while. Yet it wasn’t as bad as have known myself to be. It shows that have grown myself in love although it was something that had become so affrid of.
Thank you to Michael, Willena and ken for your mentoring and guidance. Your love and support, thank you to the mental cleanse partisipants for your inspiring lessons.
Abundent love,
Ben Drake
Mona Vale Sydney NSW Australia

Personal lesson plan for chapter 15 for the 30 day mental cleanse.
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