October, 2010 • Coach Freedom and Friends

One thing I have been coming to terms with is the good and bad friendships, those that are positive and negative. Also working on understanding others personalities, right now its part of the journey. I guess knowing that I need to deal with a variety of people, some of those people are going to be destructive or toxic and others are going to be supportive and encouraging. For me I have to work on a number of areas. I know some people are not going to appreciate or enjoy such; however they need to understand I am doing this for my own wellbeing not for their own individual happiness. So it's time to establish some firm boundaries, that means saying well this is what I am prepared to accept and not prepared to accept.

I know people will push them, some people will receive less boundaries whist others will receive more a lot more. It's about me saying this is what is acceptable and not acceptable, there are people who I will not have to set these limits with and people who will need them enforced to the letter. They will not be happy however I need to do such for my own individual health. That means that my own personal time and business time must be adhered to by the family no matter what. Emergencies only, it's time to say I am not going to do this for you anymore.

Learning about my family

15/10/2010

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| Mentor Ben Drake

| 12:46 pm

Ok I have been learning so much about myself and my family these last few weeks. Now I understand where all the love came from as a child. There is nothing I can do to go back to that point in time however I was raised how I was raised. Nothing can change such, for me I can only live my life as I know one person would have wanted me to of lived. I grew up with parents who were unable to show their love for others it was what happened. They just could not do it; one was literally incapable of doing such. The other well they would buy you anything you wanted all the latest gadgets, the car whatever. It was who they were. That was part of my family yet I also lived with my grandparents who were the opposite and well great people.

I grew up in a generational family which was interesting as when I was born my great grandparents even lived with us. Now that is part of life, I do not remember those years I was only a baby. Yet I can remember the later years living with my grandparents my grandmother who would do anything for anyone she would sit there listening and was just so loving. It explains the reason why I was reasonable during the years living with my grandparents a loving woman who lived a good life. She was someone you could talk to, there was also my grandfather he was a loving person alone. Having grown up with love having come from my grandmother and as soon as she started becoming worse the love started to fade.

Recently my grandmother passed away after a number of years in the nursing home yet she was not the same person she once was. Yet I when listening at her funeral to my uncle speak of her and how she was it finally made sense of what type of person she was. For me I have been on the adventure and I enjoy such, if you want to learn more about relationships http://bdrake.successin10steps.com/?mad=52669 some of the information is available from this eBook.

Insights

14/10/2010

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| Mentor Ben Drake

| 1:46 pm

I sat at my volunteer role this morning on what is referred to as the dog watch, why? as it can be either dead or where the problems happen. That is what the watch is like its typically dead anyway I took along some interesting reading material which was nice. From that material I learnt more about myself and my family as to what happened and even why, how come it's been such a struggle for me living with my biological family, living with 3 people who are controlling and another who is unable to show love for another person although it may be there. Myself I am someone who needs to be constantly appreciated and loved, told daily, told regularly that someone cares. That's who I am.

I have grown up in a family where it's stuff, just more and more stuff. My biological family has the latest things, the computers which are up to date. The HDMI TV's, the latest this or that, they buy everything they want. This is someone who has to have everything their way. Whist reading the information today it told me so much more about my family then I had ever been able to learn in my entire life. Yet it explains so many things to me as a person who I am and why, also how come I have been struggling with my life as dealing with my family. Even those false friends, ah those false friends the ones who I used to hang out with in my early 20's who did more damage than anything else. I only stay in touch with one of them from that period.

I started to understand why my biological family fell apart and now understand why my yearning is for distance with them. It has to do with a number of things, in a way I will achieve such. I have just been enjoying this adventure lately it's been so great. No matter what I know that I am in the relationships business and to me it's time to build those great relationships. I have only scratched the surface and found 3 of the truest friends ever.

If you want to learn more about yourself as a person and how you can create better relationships take a look at success in 10 steps available here http://bdrake.successin10steps.com/?mad=52669 it's a very powerful book and has loads of information as to people and how they work together. It's based not just at the network marketing industry; it's about every day success also.

Be a mentor with a servants heart Ben Drake

Working on myself becoming a better me

13/10/2010

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| Mentor Ben Drake

| 2:27 pm

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Right now I have a lot going on I am working my business and have some great friendships. I need to sort things out or to say well I am not going to take this anymore it's time for me to move on, it means building myself to the level where I am a great person and can care for another help them through thick and thin. I know in my life there are a lot of people who I have to help, right now I know that with some I need to be there and just listen say ok lets work through this. I know personally that I will be a stronger guy from what I have been through in the last few years. So let's think about my victories and not my losses.

I am a marine radio operator

I run my own business

I have a great life

I have found some wonderful friends

There are so many things that I could count as victories and not see things as being a victim. I have to deal with the rubbish that is going on in my own world right now, for me I am going to achieve many great things in my life and I need to build myself up. It's time to learn more about myself and to become a better person. To develop those skills that I need to have for my own personal future and to live a great life. I have to sort a few things out prior to moving in the direction I need to; I have to work on a number of things first. The time will come when it is meant to. For me it's about no longer letting the negative vibes from family and other sources get to me. It's about saying well that's your problem and I am not going to accept it. You have to realise the time comes when you need to say well let's do this it's what has to happen.

Relationships

12/10/2010

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| Mentor Ben Drake

| 10:49 am

Relationships in any area of life you need to create relationships, there are relationships at work, at school, at home, at the sports club; they are in so many places. We have relationships all around us; some people expect a instant relationship. Yet relationships do take time to build, they need to be able to grow. Without creating a relationship with someone there is no foundation for anything further, it's like saying ok this is all we are going to do and proceeding from there. It is like the people who spend the night together and then go their separate ways, that is not a good relationship you are saying well ok thanks bye.

For me being in the relationships business it's about getting to know people who they are and what makes them a person. It's about not judging someone and learning ok this is who they are as a person, coming from a family where one person says I do not want any dependants anymore. That is why they have sat there for years and pushed people away, they do not anyone to depend on them or need them for any reason. This is a very bad attitude as it often says well I do not care about you, the hard part is what do you do when someone you love e.g. a member of your own family is such. Well the only thing possible to accept the person for who they are.

This person may or may not change however they have to want to change themselves no one can force them to change. In life we all build relationships, there are people who want to control others, who need to control others and their lives are often ruled by it's about me. There are people who serve others and give from the heart they will do anything for another person, yet these people need to learn to not take on another person's rubbish. It surprises me the amount of emails or messages I get saying hey I want a relationship with you and the person is looking for the instant relationship. They want you to be more then friends right away. That is not me it takes time to build such.

Month: October 2010

Boundaries

Learning about my family

Insights

Working on myself becoming a better me

Relationships